I met someone today who asked me a question that is sending me on a rather profound journey. We were discussing my job at the National Marrow Donor Program (www.bethematch.org) when I was asked if I'm on the donor registry.
"I am," I replied.
"Did it hurt when you donated marrow?" came the next question.
"I've not been called for that opportunity yet," I responded.
"Do you think it's going to hurt?" was the question that followed. I replied that I didn't care, that it's for a good cause and so it didn't matter to me how it would feel.
I thought about that conversation later when I pondered another experience I've not had this lifetime: Giving birth to a child. I was in attendance when both of my children entered the world. Judging from the screaming and squeezing of my hand by their mother during the procedure, I am presuming the experience wasn't pleasant. Similar stories from other moms and dads seem to confirm that bringing life into the world is something that can be somewhat uncomfortable at some point during the process.
I have heard stories from several people while at the NMDP about how rewarding the experience of bone marrow donation was to them. When asked if the procedure hurt, each person gives an answer that basically downplays the discomfort experienced during the process. Whether it was painful or not really didn't seem to matter to them in the end.
Coincidentally, all the stories I have heard thus far have been from males; I've not yet been in attendance when the presenter was female. This lead me down a path of thought that I hadn't explored before, and a question arose in me for which I must have an answer.
After pondering the conversation I had with my new friend today, I decided I'm going to make a point of reaching out to someone who has both given birth to their child and given life to someone else through a bone marrow donation. I decided I really want to know the answer to this question: Which procedure hurts less? I won't ask them how long they waited to be a mom or a donor, or how long each procedure took, or even if they would ever consider doing each one again. I simply want to understand which process was more uncomfortable to them, and it's purely for selfish reasons that I want to know the answer.
I want to understand how it feels to give life its first chance, compared with how it feels to give life another chance.
I've heard from moms how rewarding it was to bring their child into the world and, despite the temporary discomfort during the process, how they would do it all over again. I've heard from the gentlemen bone marrow donors who have met their recipients and their recipient's families. They have expressed the same sentiment and emotion. The glow in their eyes differs little from the glow in a new mom's eyes.
I have donated blood before, and donate blood platelets as often as I think my schedule allows. (Notice the admitted cop out here -- I could donate every week, but seldom make it a point to do it with that level of regularity.) These experiences are unpleasant only in the brief moments that my flesh is pierced: Once in the finger to test my blood, and one in each arm to complete the circuit of drawing out my blood and sending it back minus the platelets. The discomfort is minimal and temporary...a few moments of discomfort, and a few hours out of my week spent in a worthwhile endeavor. I know what this experience feels like, and even though I've never met anyone who has received my donation, I know from the stories posted on the white board in the waiting area that my small contribution of time and organic treasure makes a difference.
But since all experience is by contrast, this one is going to bother me until I understand it and experience it as completely as I can.
"What hurts worse, childbirth or marrow donation?" I Googled this exact question, and could not really find anything that stood out as an answer. As a male, I will never have the opportunity to experience the first one. I may have the opportunity to experience the second, but to do so only means that someone else is in serious trouble and needs my help. They aren't helpless and frail, living safely for nine months and awaiting the process that gives them their first chance at life. They are more likely helpless and frail, living moment by moment in a struggle to survive, awaiting the process that gives them another --perhaps their last -- chance at life.
And if I have that moment of giving someone's life another chance, I'm going to find the woman who told me which one hurt less. Just so I can tell her, "Thank you for sharing both experiences with me. Now I understand."
Namaste.
No comments:
Post a Comment